Stumbling Into Darkness
by LongTimeFan
Summary: "Talking's done," John stated flatly, moving the gun into his line of sight but not moving it any higher. Note: Rating is for implied subject matter and a wee bit of language.


Stumbling Toward Darkness

AN: No spoilers. Just an little scene that popped into my head that wouldn't go away and that wouldn't develop further. Could be set late season 3 or season 4 as Elizabeth (and Carson) will always be alive in my stories. Hope you enjoy.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. All rights belong to others. Merely borrowing characters and concepts for short time and will return in relatively the same shape as when taken.

~SGA~SGA~SGA

* * *

Laughing as he entered his quarters, Major Evan Lorne shook his head remembering the antics of his coworkers he had just witnessed. After the day they had been through, all of them had needed the distraction and to blow off some steam. Shrugging off his jacket, he draped it on the back of a chair. Releasing his hand from the garment, his attention was drawn to a stack of items carefully placed on the table.

Frowning, he picked up the IDC and looked at before switching it for the PDA. Powering the PDA, alarms bells went off in his head. Triggering his headset, he called out. "Lorne to Sheppard, come in." Holding his breath, he repeated it before switching channels.

"Lorne to McKay."

"McKay here," Rodney replied absentmindedly. Finishing the formula he was typing, he jovially added, "Something I can help you with Major Lorne?"

"I'm looking for Colonel Sheppard. Can you tell me where he is at?"

"I don't know, perhaps his room given the hour," McKay quipped.

"Obviously he isn't or I wouldn't be calling you now would I," Lorne barked back.

'And you expect me to know where he is, how?"

"I don't have time," Evan growled to himself before triggering his mic again.

"Check for his subcutaneous tracker," he barked between clenched teeth.

Frowning, Rodney's fingers flew across the keyboard. "Okaaayyy," he muttered, frowning deeper. "I'm picking him up on the west pier. What's going..." he stopped when he heard his headset being disconnected.

"Lorne to Doctor Weir."

"Weir here. Something wrong Major?"

"Colonel Sheppard is in trouble, ma'am. Meet me at the west transporter," he announced before darting from his room.

~SGA~SGA~SGA

* * *

Forcing herself to slow for the flight of steps, Elizabeth Weir took the slight reprieve to gasp extra air into her lungs before she sped back up to keep up with Evan. Running down the long hallway, she slid to a stop at the doorway that Major Lorne had stopped at.

Looking through it, she could see a lone figure standing on the pier. Her heart constricted at the sight. Instinctively she moved to open the door impeding her from getting to him. "Stay here," she murmured toward Evan.

She was stopped by Evan grabbing her arm. "I'm not sure...," he began only to be stopped by Elizabeth gripping his arm.

"He won't hurt me," she assured him. Watching his reluctant acceptance, she nodded to him to reinforce her conviction before waiving her hand over the control that would open the automatic door.

"No matter what happens, no one else comes out there," Elizabeth ordered, pausing only long enough to receive an acknowledgement.

Moving slowly toward John, Elizabeth tried to slow her labored breathing and calm her jagged nerves. Nearing him, her eyes read the tension radiating from his body before they locked on the sight of the 9 mm clenched tightly in his hand. Before she could say anything, his voice, low and harsh reached her.

"Get the hell out of here, Elizabeth."

"No," she answered, swallowing hard. "Not without you."

Almost imperceptibly, his head shook a negative reply. "Get back inside," he growled.

Edging around the side of him until she could see his features, Elizabeth kept her distance from him. While she knew he would never intentionally hurt her, she knew he was not thinking much right now. He was running on pure instinct. And pain.

He was a wounded animal. A very dangerous wounded animal.

"John," she started. Seeing the darkness in his features, she swallowed hard. "John, talk to me."

"Talking's done," John stated flatly, moving the gun into his line of sight but not moving it any higher.

Licking her lips, she shifted nervously. "John, what happened today... what you had to do today," she paused swallowing. "No one should have had to see that or do that. I know..."

"You don't know a damn thing," Sheppard snapped interrupting her. "They were children for god sake!"

"I know," she pressed back, closing her eyes at the memory. The Wraith had attacked an agriculture settlement. They hadn't stood a chance. The only survivors were the ones who had been tending fields away from the settlement.

Snorting, he shook his head slowly. "You know," he repeated with derision,

remembering the drained husks of the children who had been fed upon by the Wraith. "Were you there? Did you have to gather their corpses to bury them? Or listen to the parents scream in agony when they realized they had survived but their children had not?"

Elizabeth flinched at the waves of pain and anger rolling off of John which each guttural accusation. She knew he wasn't really angry at her, but a flicker of fear tingled through her spine as she watched the muscles in his arm clench tighter on the gun and heard his ragged breathing.

"John," she breathed, trying to find the right words to ease his torture. "There was no way for you to stop what happened. You tried to get them to leave; warned them and..."

"So, what," he snarled, cutting off anything else she might have been going to say. "That makes everything alright? Send out a message now and then and then throw our hands in the air and say, hey not my problem. We warned 'em."

Anger flared in Elizabeth. "That's not what I'm saying and you know it!" she vehemently countered.

The anger on John's features dissolved as a flat mask descended on his features.

"Get back inside Elizabeth."

Terror flashed through her at the finality of his tone and features. Fighting it, she straightened her body. "No," she snapped back. "We are both walking off this pier or neither of us are."

Her words caused his head to snap sideways to lock eyes with her.

Staring defiantly at him, she held her ground. "You don't get to leave me here to do this by myself," she challenged. "Not like this. You don't get to leave me here to try to figure out how to move forward after you've..." she paused, her voice ragged and thick when she continued, "torn out my heart and soul. You. Not the Wraith or the Genii or Replicators or God knows who else has tried. You."

Closing her eyes briefly she swallowed the knot threatening to cut off her voice. Latching back on the anger she snorted and shook her head to fight off the tears. "Tell Elizabeth I'm sorry,"" she quoted, sarcastically. "A tag line to a note telling Loran how to access your command codes? That's what i get. Tell Elizabeth I'm sorry?" she asked incredulously.

Launching herself forward, she shoved him. "HOW FUCKING DARE YOU!' she snarled, shoving him again. "If you're going to kill me, at least have the decency to do it all the way and not leave me to suffer." Grabbing his arm, she shoved it up so that the pistol was pointed at her chest.

Instantly, John snarled and yanked his arm out of her grasp. Staggering backward, he stared at her, emotions warring on his features.

Sensing the chink in his armor, Elizabeth pressed. "You are not responsible for what happened on that planet," she said hotly. "You ARE responsible for your actions and for what happens to this base, to the crew. What do you think is going to happen when word spreads that you killed me and then yourself? Uh? What do you think the IOM and Stargate command is going to do then?"

Elizabeth watched the flicker of uncertainty pass through his eyes. " I'll tell you what's going to happen. They are going to shut this place down. Deem it to be too dangerous. They will pull everyone off and turn their back on the Pegasus Galaxy." Swallowing hard, her final words were no more than a whisper. "They'll blow up our home, John, making everything we have done, the lives of everyone we have lost, meaningless."

Horror crossed his features at the implication of her words. Atlantis was the galaxy's only hope to stop the Wraith. If what she said was true, there would be nothing to stop the Wraith from extinguishing human kind in this galaxy and it would not be long before they found a way to get to another.

The weight of her words pressed into his chest, stealing his breath and sending his emotions reeling. "What do you want from me? I can't save them all," he said through teeth clenched.

"I'm not asking you to," she pleaded with him. "I just want you to save yourself, right here, right now." Taking a few steps toward him, she held out her hands to him. "I'm asking you to give yourself, give us, more time, to keep fighting for everything we have worked so hard for; for everything we believe in." Moving closer, she locked eyes with him and touched his chest. "I'm asking you to stay with me."

Elizabeth did not move as she watched the silent war raged in John's eyes. The sound of his pistol sliding into his leg holster broke the night air. Allowing the tears to finally show in her eyes, she felt his hands slide on either side of her face. Leaning forward, she closed her eyes as she felt his forehead touch hers briefly before he brushed his lips against it.

One hundred yards away, in the shadows of a pillar, Evan allowed the breath he had been holding to slowly seep from his body as he slid the safety back on his gun. Pausing only long enough to watch John and Elizabeth wrap themselves in each other's arms, he silently slipped back to the doorway to wait.

~~SGA ~~SGA~~SGA

* * *

Inserting the radio into her ear, Elizabeth stopped beside the bed and touchd John's shoulder. "You okay?" she asked when he wrapped his arms around her and laid his head on her torso.

"Will be," he answered, looking up. "Elizabeth," he began, stopping while trying to find the words. "Last night. I wouldn't have made it without you."

Brushing a finger down his face, she soaked in the love in his eyes and reflected it back to him. After a few minutes, she broke the contact stepping back.

'I'm going to take you off the roster," Elizabeth said softly. "Just for a couple days," she added.

"Probably for the best," John agreed. "Not sure I'd be a lot of use to anyone right now," he added, trying to ease any guilt Elizabeth may have for asking him to step back from his duties.

The chiming of the door sensor stopped any further conversation. Opening it, Elizabeth smiled tightly at the visitor. "Major Lorne."

"Ma'am," Lorne said, tipping his head. "I don't mean to intrude but was wondering if I could speak to the Colonel," he said respectfully. He had escorted the pair to their quarters the previous night after they had come in from the pier. He had left them there after collecting John's gun and telling Elizabeth to call if she needed any help during the night.

Looking back and catching John's nod, Elizabeth stepped aside.

Entering the room, Evan stopped to greet his commanding officer as he stood and met him in the sitting area. "Sir," he said. Holding out the items in his hand, he added, "Thought you might like these back."

Taking them. John swallowed. "Thanks," he said, looking down before straightening his shoulders, a remorseful, slightly embarrassed, humorless smile tugged at his features. "Look, about last night..."

Lorne shook his head and cut him off. "You don't need to explain anything, sir. After all the sh...", pausing, he guiltily glanced at Weir. "Sorry Ma'am," he said before refocusing on John and continuing, "stuff you have seen, it would make any man stumble."

Nodding gratefully at Lorne's words, John set his command log, IDC and pistol on a table. "It's nice to know there is someone there to help pick me," he said, tipping his head again at Lorne before locking eyes with Elizabeth.

Smiling slightly, Evan agreed. "Just hope if I ever stumble, someone will be there for me," he added quietly.

Stepping closer to his second in command, John held out his hand. "As long as I'm here, you will have," he vowed, tightening his grip on Evan's hand to reinforce his words.

"Thank you, sir," Lorne said softly, before turning to go. Nearing the door, he paused. "Some of the guys are having problems dealing with yesterday. Doctor Keller thought it might be good idea to conduct a critical incident stress debrief, so I've arranged for one at 0900."

"Good idea," Sheppard agreed. Catching Elizabeth's raised eyebrow, he nodded slightly to answer her. "I'll be there."

"I know the men would appreciate it, sir. Ma'am," Evan acknowledged, taking his leave.

"Thank you Evan, for everything," Elizabeth replied, intentionally using his first name to let him know that what he had done mean a great deal to her personally.

~SGA~SGA~SGA

* * *

Pausing as the door slid shut behind him, Evan glanced back, mentally visioning the people on the other side. The words he had heard the night before had echoed in his mind long after he had returned to his quarters. He had known that the two leaders were intimate and each other's confidant, but he had not realized how much they were a part of each other before now. A sigh escaped him as the weight of realization settled on him that if one of them would be lost, the other would never be the same. Atlantis itself would never be the same. Straightening and starting down the hallway, he vowed to do whatever he could to make sure that never would happen.

The end

06/14


End file.
